Weight of the World

"When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, 'Take heart, son; your sins are forgiven.'...For I have come to call not the righteous but sinners." Matthew 9:1b, 13b
"Happy are those whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered." Psalm 32:1


I admit - I do not have all the answers. Some days I feel as though I have none of the answers. At times I don't even think I have the questions to begin even searching for the answers. Forgiveness is one of those things I have yet to completely work out - especially that whole forgive-forget ratio, cliche, mantra that continues to haunt me. I think that there are many things I have forgiven, and have forgotten. But it's the things I need forgiveness for, harmful words or actions, known and unknown, that I cannot forget. It goes hand in hand with regret, I suppose, because those situations continue to haunt me today despite being days, months, and years in the past. I regret the situation, and I cannot forgive myself for causing it, making it happen, or allowing it to happen. Even if the other party or parties has expressed forgiveness to me, I continue to have a deep sense of regret and shame.

It's more than individual and personal forgiveness, though. There is much I have to answer to - because I am a United States citizen, because I am a Christian, because I am a Lutheran, because I am a woman, because I am from the U.P of Michigan....I am simultaneously proud and thankful, but also ashamed and saddened at times for these very essential parts of my being.

This was evident for me in Israel and Palestine in a variety of ways - especially in light of the political situations and impact of the last 75 years of world history. Being a tourist, a U.S. tourist, meant that we had exponentially more freedom than the majority of Palestinian people, especially in terms of travel. We could easily flit between Israel and Palestine through checkpoints, go to places of prominence and witness harsher realities with the ease of knowing we'd still be safe at night.

We spent an afternoon at Yad Vashem, Israel's memorial to the holocaust of Jewish people in the 1930's and 1940's. I have been to the Holocaust Museum in Washington D.C., and both are equally effective in getting the message across that history should not be replicated on any count when it comes to human life. (I could add natural and ecological statements as well, but that's not quite the point of this blog - though I hope that we are all doing what we can to lobby for the Earth.)

Early on in the museum segment of the memorial, there was a small sign that read basically that Christians had a hand in initiating the assault and destruction by doing nothing when there was clearly a need for accompaniment and advocacy. (If anyone else from the trip remembers this and I am wrong, please let me know and I will amend this statement.) I also am fairly certain that Hitler used some of Martin Luther's later writings to promote the anti-Semitic agenda. I know that my context and place in a history that has been marked with the blood of so many weighs heavy on my heart. My history has enslaved, slaughtered, and stood by instead of acted for justice.

I know I am just one person in a world of 6 billion - the weight of the world, past and present, is not on me alone. I will have to answer to a weight or two at some point. I simply pray that I can remember to lean on Jesus, who came for the sinners, who covered our sins. Forgiveness is here, salvation is here. Lent is the time to re-examine, remember, and renew our hope and yearning for the grace that comes from God.


Scripture for Today: Psalm 25:1-10, Psalm 32, Matthew 9:2-13

(I apologize for the late-ness of posting this. It's a Saturday - that's my excuse.)